Finding Hope in the Hospital: A Personal Journey

This was not a good day at the hospital. Where was hope?

This was not a good day at the hospital. Where was hope? The doctors are not happy with the amount of fluid the kidneys refuse to expel; the physician again adjusted the meds. Bill’s blood pressure began to climb. To top it off, the other doctor was not happy regarding the occasional dips in oxygen. Didn’t God know what was going on?

CANCELLED HOMECOMING

This was the day Bill had a 50/50 chance of finally coming home from the hospital. That chance flew out the window. Our hopes plummeted. I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other. Didn’t God hear me?

DOESN’T GOD WATCH OUT FOR ME?

My emotional state was fragile. And then came the text. An acquaintance told me in no uncertain terms what demands I must make of the hospital. This text was not a suggestion; it was in command form. I need another command like a hole in my head right now. Doesn’t God watch out for me?

Earlier I had prayed for just some glimpse of Him on a very dark day.

GOD SHOWS UP IN THE PRODUCE AISLE

But in then the middle of this mess, God shows us up!!!! I stopped at the grocery store on the way home.  There’s a young man who works there who is both friendly and goofy. The guy is a big man, and I look like a midget beside him. He passed by me in the produce aisle, paused and turned around. Then he asked, “How are you doing Honey?” (No disrespect, he always calls me that) 

I barely kept back the tears as I told him this wasn’t a good day. He asked what happened. After carefully listening, he gave me not only one, but two bear hugs. He told me he’s praying for me.

GOD HEARS EVEN IN THE DARK

God heard me all the while today and sent a young man as an angel in the produce aisle. In the midst of all of this, God is very much present. I only can see right in front of me, but God sees the miles yet to go. God hears even in the dark. What a blessing when random people feel the nudges of God and obey! God shows up.

Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? (Matthew 6:26-27)

GOD SHOWS UP

All those tears I have tried to keep in check since the first hospitalization on November 25th ran down my face. God heard.

Since November 25th our days have been filled with ER visits, hospitalizations, doctor appointments, and a confusing array of conflicting opinions from specialists. We are exhausted, down to our last array of strength, and God keeps showing up often when we least expect it.

ANGELS FROM GOD

“Angel” means messenger from God. God apparently has an abundance of them in human form. Two days ago, I was exceptionally brittle and down to my last ounce of courage. As I trucked in to yet again keep vigil at the hospital a song played. It mentioned tears at Christmas. At that point I lost it. I literally howled in the car. All those tears I have tried to keep in check since the first hospitalization on November 25th ran down my face. God heard.

LOVED, SNOT AND ALL

God showed up. That afternoon one friend stopped by unannounced. She lost her husband several years ago and understands the emotional and spiritual warfare at play. She didn’t tell me to buck up or shower me with Christian truisms. Instead, she hugged me, loved me, spoke Scripture over me and prayed for me. Within the hour another Christian sister also visited; let me cry, snot and all. God showed up through these angels.

None of these sisters belong to a Christian committee or are paid to visit. They just listen to God and turn up.

ROCK BOTTOM

The next day, Bill hit bottom both physically and emotionally. The doctor told him that his blood numbers are finally beginning to start to look better. The next words were “You will be here until at least the weekend.” Not the words Bill wanted to hear, especially since he was experiencing unrelenting backpain. Bill had just been transferred out of the ICU to a new floor in the hospital. They were understaffed. Official medical help was a long time a coming.

BROTHER D

Out of the blue, in walked Brother D. He didn’t have a set agenda. God delivered our messenger of encouragement. Brother D did it beautifully. He listened to God’s nudge and obeyed.

DRIVE BY MESSENGERS

Then arrived our friends from another country. I call them “God’s Drive by Messengers”. Due to their experience caring for their invalid father for a number of years, they gave Bill the best foot massage he ever received. Then together as a team they repositioned him on his bed, so Bill’s back was more at ease. Nudged by God, they showed up and unconventionally obeyed.

HEARING THE NUDGE AND SHOWING UP

And that is the role of genuine believers – they listen to God and show up. It might not be something in their comfort level, and it may not fit in their schedule.

Thanks to all of you who have sent messages, called and dropped by. Kudos to you who have ardently kept us in your prayers. Since November 25th, twice without the intervention of God we would have lost Bill. Heaven will be blessed by Bill’s presence but there are still so many more lives Bill wants to reach for Christ.

GOD SMILES

Dear Messengers, the world is not aware of your service, but Heaven is listening to your obedience to Christ. You have felt God’s nudge and showed up. God smiles.

I HEARD THE BELLS ON CHRISTMAS DAY

Christmas Day 1862 Henry wrote in his journal “A merry Christmas” say the children, but that is no more for me.”

American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote these lyrics during a dark season. Two years previously his wife had been sealing envelopes with hot wax when the flame caught her clothes on fire.  Henry, burned badly as well, was too sick to attend her funeral.  For the remainder of his life, he covered up his facial scars behind a long beard. Christmas Day 1862 Henry wrote in his journal “A merry Christmas” say the children, but that is no more for me.”

NO PEACE ON EARTH

By 1863 the country tore itself apart in Civil War.  Against Henry’s wishes (and fears) his son, Charles, enlisted in the army. No wonder Henry wrote: And in despair I bowed my head, ‘There is no peace on earth,’ I said, for hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men. In November, a bullet pierced Charles from back to shoulder, just nicking his spine. Henry traveled to Washington to retrieve his son from the hospital.  Arriving at home December 8th, Charles began his extended convalescence.  This was grief at its deepest. 

God loved Henry in the midst. His love had not run out.

GOD IS NOT DEATH NOR DOTH HE SLEEP!

Slowly, Henry’s heart began to heal and turn back to God.  Along with everything else, he experienced a dry season in writing.  But then, sitting at his desk one morning he heard the church bells.  Henry’s heart began to resonate with the return of hope.  Hope for his son, hope for his family and hope for a nation torn apart by war.  God began to wake his heart when he wrote: “Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: God is not dead; nor doth he sleep! The wrong shall fail, the right prevail. With peace on earth, good-will to men!” God had not departed.

THE BELLS PEAL FOR ETERNITY

The sinless One, Jesus Christ, came to bring hope: complete reconciliation between mankind and God.  Because of this, Longfellow journaled: “I thought how as the day had come; the belfries of all Christendom had rolled along the unbroken song of peace on earth, good will to men.   That’s why the bells peal for all eternity.”  Will the bells peal for all eternity signaling that you have made peace with God via Jesus Christ?  Even when grief is at its deepest, God has not departed. The season of darkness can pass.  

Click to read more on discovering lasting peace.

JOY MEANT FOR ALL

Emotionally, I can feel like a ping pong ball thwacked back and forth by the paddles of life.

As I drove to work, a few bars of “Joy to the World” began to play on the radio. As its upbeat arrangement attempted to rouse a jolly response, I couldn’t help but admit I wasn’t feeling particularly festive. Christmas is called “the most wonderful time of the year”….But, not for all.

THE PING PONG BALL EFFECT

Sometimes I love the season and revel in the trimmings, twinkling lights, and tunes. Then there are the times I white-knuckle my way through landmines of longing, loss, and loneliness intensified by the holiday season. Emotionally, I can feel like a ping pong ball thwacked back and forth by the paddles of life.

THWACKED BACK AND FORTH BY LIFE

Picture that very first Christmas. Did Mary and Joseph also feel like ping pong balls bounced back and forth by unseen or unknown powers? Not yet married and expecting a baby, Mary and Joseph lived with the aftermath of losing their reputations and highly likely relationships with friends and family. They experienced the loneliness of not belonging anywhere. Did they feel thwacked back and forth by life in a world lost and longing for the Savior?

BOTH HARDSHIP AND BEAUTY

The “trimmings” of that first Christmas were rough. Judean stables often were not made of wood like we see portrayed. More likely it was a damp cave or lower-level annex hewn out of rock. Jesus made his grand entrance not as a magnificent king arriving on the scene, but as an ordinary baby pushed into the world amid Mary’s searing pain. No cradles, soft and warm, but a utilitarian feeding trough surrounded by the ordinary sounds and smells of life (Luke 2:1-20). At the same time, the sky lit up with a multitude of angels (Luke 2:8-20) singing the most beautiful Christmas song announcing the birth of The Savior of the World! What a contrast between the broken and sublime. Hardship and beauty. Both realities coexisted. That realization brings me peace.

JOY COEXISTING WITH SORROW

As I walked into work that day, I felt joyful despite the paddles of life sending me back and forth between happiness and sorrow. You see, true joy can coexist with sorrow because it is not dependent on things always being “good”. Real joy sustained by hope and the deep settled confidence that God is in control of every detail of life. Whether you find yourself reveling or longing, Christmas really is a wonderful time of the year. It’s when we remember that the Lord came. And because He came and conquered sin and death (I Cor. 15:55-57), He will come again. I invite you to experience His joy to the world!

Click to discover how to grab unto God’s joy.

Stay Connected: Lessons from a Leaf

It is a hectic season. Responsibilities with work, family and church overflow my days. Unloading my work tote, I discovered a leaf lying on the bottom of the bag.  I grab it impatiently, but on my short journey to the trash I can notice its beauty. Something makes me stop to look more closely at the leaf. It is deep burnt orange and bright crimson swirled together, so incredibly rich, like a sunset in my hand.  The crisp, jagged outline and stem, so perfectly crafted by the Creator, yet no longer connected to its source of sustenance.

BE STILL!

I realize God placed the leaf in my bag to draw my attention to Him in the middle of my hectic life.  The Creator and Sustainer of the Universe intentionally reaches out to me with an invitation to connect with Him. So, I pause and decide to accept His invitation. I am seen, loved, cared for by my Beloved. He asks me to linger. It is wonderful to be fully in His presence. In those moments, the words from Psalm 46:10 sink deeply into my soul: “Be still and know (recognize, understand) that I am God” comes alive in me. I carefully place the leaf aside, as pause for heart-to-heart connection with God. 

THE DISCONNECTED LEAF

Days later, I picked the leaf up again, but the leaf in no way resembles its previous beauty. It is an ugly blotched brown, dry, shriveled and crumbling. No longer is it connected to its source of life.

Oh Lord Jesus, is this what you mean when you tell us to stay connected to You, The Vine?  When I take time to connect with You, my spirit is alive, vibrant, and beautiful.  But when I discard time with You and focus only on the cares of this world, my spirit quickly becomes dry, brown, and crumbled. I do not resemble the creation You intended me to be and cannot do the things You created me to do. “I am the Vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him bears much fruit, for [otherwise] apart from Me [that is, cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

Jesus, in this season when we prepare to celebrate Your coming to earth, draw us to You every moment. Help us keep our eyes and heart fixed on You, not on the distractions swirling around us. Constantly remind us to intentionally connect with You.

GOD DOES NOT FOLLOW MY PLANS

God did not follow my plans for Thanksgiving. God also has not apologized.

God did not follow my plans for Thanksgiving. I anticipated a lovely meal with our adult children with lots of laughter. The phrase “the plans of mice and men oft go awry” comes from the 1785 poem “To a Mouse” by the Scottish poet Robert Burns. It means that even the most carefully made plans can go wrong. In the poem, Burns apologizes to a mouse whose nest he accidentally destroyed while plowing a field. God did not follow my plans. God also has not apologized.

THE DRIVE TO THE ER

We noticed in the weeks before Thanksgiving that Bill’s asthma worsened. We called the doctor for the usual prescription of prednisone. However, God planned differently. It was Tuesday of T-day week, and the medical office requested that Bill come in for an in-person visit. The nurse checked his vitals. Bill’s blood pressure was alarmingly high. The doctor told him immediately to go to the ER. This didn’t fit our plans for the week. Bill argued with the doctor. The doctor won the discussion. I drove Bill to the ER.

NO HALLMARK MOVIE

The ER staff saw him stat and what we thought was asthma proved to be fluid accumulating around the heart and lungs. Again, not our plan. After all, this was Thanksgiving week! Admission to the hospital followed. More tests and bloodwork. We soon learned that one of Bill’s kidneys decided to take a timeout. As the week stretched out, Bill thought he would return home for our picture-perfect Thanksgiving (like in the Hallmark movies). That plan also short circuited. The days crawled by, and the blood pressure remained in the stratosphere. Why didn’t God follow our plans? Didn’t He hear our prayers? Doesn’t God follow the script of Hallmark movies?

GOD’S ANSWERS TO OUR PRAYERS

Yes, God did hear our prayers, but the answers arrived in ways we never anticipated. We always pray that God will daily use us for His glory. God answered as Bill befriended hospital staff and Christ naturally fit into conversations. Bill talked with people he never would have naturally met in our normal plans.

We daily pray for strength, courage to follow Christ, and that God would look out for us. Our plan was an easy prescription of prednisone. God’s plan was someone looking further into Bill’s health and discovering a walking time bomb. God looked out for Bill even when we didn’t know the situation was critical.

Due to my vision difficulties, my plan is to avoid night driving at all costs. God’s plan was for me to drive home from the hospital late that first pitch-black night in pouring down rain. Talk about the song “Jesus Take the Wheel”! God settled my nerves, directed my route, and I only ran against one curb. God’s plan is best when I totally depend on Him.

UNEXPECTED GIFTS

On the 8th day of his hospital stay, Bill was finally disconnected from the IV and released. Given a large bag of new meds, volumes of instructions, and a schedule for further testing and specialist visits, we gratefully made our exit. It is the season of giving. We didn’t anticipate these gifts.

Other than our ultimate reunion with Jesus, we do not know the details of what God has planned in the coming days. We do know the quality of God’s plans, and they are always perfect, filled with His lovingkindness and tender mercy.

“Bless and affectionately praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is [deep] within me, bless His holy name. Bless and affectionately praise the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget any of His benefits… Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you [lavishly] with lovingkindness and tender mercy; Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the [soaring] eagle” (Psalm 103:1-5)

I plan to keep on blessing and praising God, even in the darkest night.

PEACE THAT LASTS

Can you imagine the noise and confusion greeting Mary and Joseph? No peace to be found there.

Silent night, holy night. All is calm, all is bright. …… sleep in heavenly peace. I love You Lord, I worship You. Hope which was lost now stands renewed; I give my life to honor this, the love of Christ the Savior King

BETHLEHEM’S CHAOS

Bethlehem was a loud chaotic mess that night. The Roman emperor, Augustus, demanded a census be taken throughout the Empire so all would register for a tax.  Under Roman law, thousands of people were ordered by the government to travel to their ancestral cities. Augustus forced a highly resentful captive people to travel in harsh conditions in order to hand over their hard-earned cash. Hope departed long ago for any lasting peace.

NO PEACE TO BE FOUND

When Mary and Joseph arrived at Bethlehem, they found a town not equipped to handle a huge influx of visitors. Both food and lodging were scare. Can you imagine the noise and confusion greeting these travelers? No peace to be found here.

A very pregnant Mary and Joseph finally lodged in a cave in the company of animals. No quiet birthing suite to be had. At the baby’s first cry, a giant chorus of angels began singing, inviting an influx of shepherds and sheep to the mix at the stable. So, “silent night” as we would normally picture, did not apply here.

CREATION NOW HAD A FUTURE

However, if one understands “silent night, holy night” as the Creator coming to the forefront, it is a whole different matter. God thwarts Satan before the face of all the universe by the birth of King Jesus in the manger. The Creator gives notice to the Evil One. God expresses His holiness in a tiny baby. Creation now owns a future.

WHY WE CAN SING

That’s why we can sing, quieting all our worries, troubles, tears, and woes. “I love You Lord, I worship You. Hope lost, now stands renewed.” God laid the way to permanently break the barrier of sin which separates us from a holy God. “Since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1). The only honorable response from us can be: “I give my life to honor this, the (absolute) love of Christ the Savior King.”

HOPE LOST, NOW STANDS RENEWED

Peace with God; finally achieved. That is the calmness, the brightness and significance of this night. Chaotic Bethlehem births the major step toward eternal peace with God. Hallelujah! “Hope which lost, now stands renewed.”

Click to read more about the peace God gives

DO NOT FEAR

This past week I journeyed into my deepest fears.

I struggle with all types of fears, both real and imagined. This past week I journeyed into my deepest fears. My husband landed in the hospital and still is there as I write this. I seem to either expand in trusting God or I flounder in despair. What does God say to my heart during these times of turbulence? He points to Mary.

GOD’S FAVOR

Only a simple teenage girl, Mary, came from a backwater town. So why did God choose Mary? God never provides any extensive explanation. The angel announces to Mary that she is chosen to be the mother of the Messiah. God “favors” this unwed girl to give birth to the Chosen One, the Savior of the world. She only knows that God chose her. God “favors” her.

I always connect “favor” with honor: someone given front row seats, the keys to the city and a crown on their head. It is hard to combine the concept of favor with heartbreak. Can God favor me even when my heart breaks?

FEAR AND UNCERTAINTY MIXED WITH JOY

In Luke 1 the angels twice calls Mary “favored by God”; blessed by God. He makes her the most honored woman on earth, but she will become intimately acquainted with the worst heartbreak known to humanity. At the angel’s initial announcement, she feels both fear and uncertainty mixed with joy. This expands and painfully stretches her heart year by year. She sees her beloved Son grow up and do the unexpected, time after time. Her sinless Son lives in a broken world, attacked by the forces of hell. Can you feel her fear?

GOD IS NEAR

This favored woman daily needs the angel’s words to resonate in her heart: The God who redeems you and ever will keep you is near, do not fear. In this time of great uncertainty, I also need this promise and hope. The God who redeems me and ever keeps me is near. Do not fear.

HELD BY THE HAND OF GOD

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Click to learn more about life with less fear.

THANKFUL EVERY DAY

Bobby said his favorite part of Thanksgiving was “when everybody goes home.”

This week we celebrate Thanksgiving, the day we give thanks for the usual stuff: family, food, and football. Maybe on Thanksgiving eve, we attend a special service and sing songs of worship, hear a brief homily, and then return home to work harder than any other day of the year. We vacuum the stairs, dust the furniture, polish the silver, pick up the toys, and throw dirty clothes into the hamper. Of course, we make sure the litter box is empty (or at least guarantee the cat odor is gone). Then finally, we can “die”. All that for family we may only see once a year!

“WHEN EVERYBODY GOES HOME”

That is a scenario I cobbled together from several reports, both from adults and from one of my 2nd graders. At school, we went around the circle asking what part of Thanksgiving was their favorite. Most of the answers were about food and games, but when we got to Bobby (name changed of course) his answer was a little more honest, he said his favorite part was “when everybody goes home!”

THANKSGIVING NOT A CALENDAR DATE

Does this sound like your day of Thanksgiving? Is it simply another day of food and family and even a few days off from work? Not according to David. He expressed thanksgiving in times of joy and in times of persecution. “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever”(Psalm 30:11-12). His thanksgiving was not a date on the calendar. It was an essential portion of him, an expression of rejoicing in the knowledge of a powerful God.  

SATURATED BY THANKSGIVING

The apostle Paul did not see giving thanks as an occasional day either, but an element which saturated his life. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). Perhaps we should print a new calendar with every day marked as Thanksgiving.

Remember those friends or relatives you do not have an easy relationship with? Paul pleads with two women, Euodia and Syntyche, to agree with each other, along with the others that are written in the Book of Life. We must even do this with rejoicing and thanksgiving.

HOW TO GIVE THANKS DAILY

Can we make giving thanks an everyday part of our devotion to God? Of course. Here are some of the ways:

We can begin every day by giving God thanks for another morning, health, and loved ones. So, let’s celebrate Thanksgiving together as part of the Body of Christ on that day, and let’s continue to remember His goodness the other 364 days of the year.

Click this link for even more verses to spur you toward thankfulness in this season of your life.

HARD IS NOT THE SAME AS BAD

Struggles deepen our relationship with God

Admit it. You and I want to pick out even the tiniest bit of hardship from our lives and throw it away. We download apps to avoid waiting in lines or how to evade people or. How can we steer clear of situations that are difficult to deal with?  We pray for quick healing, safe travels and smooth circumstances. Then there are Godzilla size trials such as serious illness, financial ruin, death of a loved one and broken relationships.  We universally want to avoid what is hard, whether it be big or little.

BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE

Abby Harberstadt wrote the book “Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad”. Athletes around the world, women who give birth and those who recover from surgery would agree wholeheartedly that just because something is hard doesn’t make it bad. Arduous workouts lead to athletic success.  Hard labor gives us children.  Corrective surgery cuts away what is diseased and brings us back to good health. Those are certainly hard things, but not bad things. They are blessings in disguise.

GREAT THINGS THROUGH THE HARD STUFF

God accomplishes great things through the hard stuff of life. Like physical muscles, our spiritual muscles get stronger with repeated, regular use and training.  Heavy weights and big hills are a necessary part of the process. The Holy Spirit uses challenging circumstances which give birth to and strengthen our character.  When we submit to God’s scalpel, He cuts away ugly parts of us and shapes us to look more like Jesus–the ultimate critical surgery.

DEEPENING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

Trials and tribulations in life are a major component in each of these processes. Paul writes, “But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4).Beyond maturing our character toward Christlikeness, struggles deepen our relationship with God. 

GROWING IN TRUST

When my husband and I trained to work with foster children with attachment issues, we learned that caring for children when they are sick or injured deepens their attachment to their caregivers. It helps them to learn to trust.  As God holds us close and cares for us through painful circumstances, we can know Him in a manner we cannot learn any other way.  We become more attached to God in a fashion that defies words. Our trust of Him begins to permeate the deepest parts of our hearts.

CONSIDER IT JOY

James tells us, “Consider it pure joy by brothers and sisters whenever you face trials” (James 1:2).This does not mean we must have happiness about trials, but that we can live through them with biblical joy. Joy is a deep settled confidence that God is in control of the details of our life. 

This attitude speaks volumes about Christ to the world around us, as they watch how we handle trials. We also experience joy as we take time to remember adversity; searchand acknowledge ways God uses it to change us. Be intentional about thanking God for these blessings in disguise and the fruit they produce. “Hard is not the same thing as bad.” Hard can be good, even if it takes us a while to realize it. 

Click for more about finding joy during trials.