Author: Susan Cazillo

EMMANUEL

The holy invitation to His presence may not look like we imagine but when we are lost in our journey, we are not alone.

It wasn’t until my teen years that my family began to not have to constantly struggle financially, and my mom would go all out with decorating our house for Christmas, finding ways to make the season special. Twinkling lights, beautiful ornaments, special music, family gatherings, and traditions had an almost magical effect that brought a reprieve from the constant struggle and worry which usually hung over our household. I loved Christmas.

THE CHRISTMAS I WAS FIFTEEN

I discovered I was pregnant three weeks before Christmas the year I was 15. No twinkling lights, traditions, or special music could offer relief from the struggle, worry, and fear that resided in my heart. I was lost. Alone. Over the next few months, that struggle intensified until Jesus met me where I was. I surrendered my all to Him.

Christmas the next year was a beautiful experience. I matured knowing the One celebrated and understood the reality of His coming in a way I never had before. He was with me every moment, even when I felt abandoned and betrayed by others.

GOD MET ME IN THE MOMENT

As a teen mom, I worked hard to raise my daughter well. I completed school and honored God with my life. Then my father suddenly died a week after I graduated. Another significant relationship ended abruptly only two months after that. I had no desire to celebrate anything that year. I felt lost in life, very much alone, desolate. Each day I forced myself to go through the motions. Even though my sister and her family were stationed in CA, they walked through the front door on Christmas morning of that year. It surprised us all! God met me in that moment, using her physical presence as a balm to my spirit. Christ knew my needs and deepest desires and was with me, even in my heartbreak.

SORROW AND JOY

Once I got married, I experienced Christmas joy for several years, with my husband, Frank, and our two children, Hannah and Anthony. We didn’t have much but I enjoyed doing all I could to make the holiday special, just as my mom had done. Then arrived the year, two weeks before Christmas, when we experienced a miscarriage. I hated Christmas. The joy-filled people, decorations, and carols were vinegar on my wounds. My heart was heavy for a long time. However, by the next Christmas, we were expecting the birth of our third child, Veronica. 

I learned enough to know that a holiday itself cannot hold the promise of complete joy. Years passed, and then came the time I was really looking forward to: celebrating Christmas with our family which now including a son-in-law, two grandchildren, and a daughter-in-law. 

THEN CAME JUNE

But that June my son experienced a medical emergency. As the EMTs were working on him in the house, my daughter-in-law and I waited together in my car, praying. From the depths of my soul, I begged for the presence of God to be with us no matter what the day ahead held. Immediately, I was aware that Christ’s name is Emmanuel. Literally, “God with us”.

THE DARKNESS OF SORROW

A tangible peace filled that space as I begged God for Anthony’s life, recited back to God what His Word says about who He is, what He can do, and declared our faith. No matter what, we would stand on the truth of God and His word – as long as He remained with us. Anthony met Jesus face to face that morning. Devastation and heartbreak like I have never known descended on me that day. 

EMMANUEL IS HERE

God’s presence doesn’t always look like I think it will. My heart is the heaviest it has ever been with this enormous, gaping Anthony-sized hole. I often feel shattered. This grief would utterly consume were it not for Emmanuel. God with me. Emmanuel has been exhibited through the practical love and care provided by His people. Emmanuel has been there as I weep with my husband and family. I may feel alone, but I am not consumed. He is there as I learn to live each day without my son’s physical presence.

HE MEETS YOU WHERE YOU ARE AND HOLDS YOUR HEAVY HEART

The holy invitation to His presence may not look like we imagine but when we are helpless, heartbroken, lost in our journey, we are not alone. His invitation is open to you, too. He will meet you where you are and hold your heavy heart. So often, we imagine and sing of God coming to save us in the most triumphant display of power and authority. And sometimes in this life, He does. Someday He most definitely will. But this Christmas season, and until that glorious day of Christ’s return, no matter what is happening in your life, I invite you to experience with me that He is Emmanuel. God with us.

Emmanuel, He meets you where you are, He holds your heavy heart, Our God is with us all

BEHOLD THE GIFT!

Surely everyone deserved this. Anyone, except for me

My husband is known as a giver of great gifts and I am a regular beneficiary. One Christmas in particular, he gave me extravagant gifts. Each one was more lavish than the last. I felt so undeserving of his unabashed love and generosity for me. I began to do the math, to count the cost in my head. The sum was too costly! Why would he spend this much on me? Surely there were others more deserving, our grandkids, kids, or parents. Anyone but me.

THE GIFT I NEEDED

I am about as directionally challenged as they come. It is no shock that one of the best gifts was a GPS. I had recently received a promotion that required me to drive to different locations on a regular basis. Without it, I would be hopelessly lost. My husband knew I needed this gift. His face filled with joy as he gave it to me. I needed to receive it.

THE GIFT GOD KNOWS WE NEED

My husband’s love and gifts are just a dim reflection of God’s demonstrated love and extravagant gift. He knows we are desperately in need of a Savior, or we would be hopelessly lost for eternity. We all are undeserving. Still, God gave the best gift in sending His son, Jesus Christ, Divinity Incarnate. He came in our flesh, breathed our air, and died in our place. But that’s not the end. The tomb is empty! He rose again so that we can be with Him forever. This Christmas season, I invite you to behold this gift, a demonstration of a love beyond all comprehension. Understand that He loves you so much that there is no cost too high. Will your heart prepare Him room? 

Behold the King has come, divinity incarnate, creator of the world, breathing our air
Behold what light has come and the dark cannot contain it
The Savior of the world is finally here

Behold, the Father’s love beyond all comprehension
He gave His only Son to die in our place
Go and see that empty tomb. He’s not there, for He is risen
Every heart prepare Him room, Jesus Christ, the King of Heaven

THOSE GANGLY YEARS

Gone was my little girl and in her place stood a glimpse of the stunning woman she was becoming.

We had a term in our family when my children were growing up: “The Gangly Years”. Those are the pubescent years between being small children and teens. Their hands and feet are too big for the rest of their bodies resulting in a general physical clumsiness. Constant growth disrupts their center of gravity. Many children also have “mixed dentition” – which is the fancy name for a mouthful of baby teeth and adult teeth. When they smile it can be surprising to see such a mismatch of teeth packed into their mouths. The gangly years are rather chaotic.

THE STORMS OF EMOTIONS

Not only are they physically awkward, but their emotions are a turbulent sea of waves in which we are all tossed about. One day their reactions to stressors are like those of a young child: the next like a grown-up. As parents, we worked hard to encourage confidence in our children through this time and to delightfully envision who they were becoming.

AN AWKWARD, CONFUSING AND CHALLENGING TIME

Even still, there were days when the reality of being in between the current reality and eventuality was less than any of us hoped. I often questioned my parenting skills while in the throes of these years. I knew and understood who they were as small children but needed vision to guide and raise them to be who God called them to be. It was an awkward, confusing, and challenging time for each of us requiring patience, gentleness, and love.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HANNAH?

One Sunday morning when in the thick of this season with our eldest, my husband asked me, “What happened to Hannah?!?” Concerned that something was wrong but not wanting to overreact, I asked him what he meant. He told me that she suddenly looked so grown up and beautiful in her Easter dress. I peeked out the doorway and across the hall to the bathroom. There she stood, fixing her hair. My breath momentarily caught in my throat.

THE LITTLE GIRL REPLACED BY A GLIMPSE OF THE YOUNG WOMAN

It was true. Gone was my little girl and in her place stood a glimpse of the stunning woman she was becoming. It was as if I suddenly knew the awkward phase would not last forever. That brief moment was such an encouragement to my heart. Sure, there were still many years of perseverance in helping her and my other children grow to maturity. Transformation takes time. But God’s grace was there every step of the journey.

HOW’S YOUR DEVELOPMENT?

Where are you in your development in becoming mature in Christ? Are you in your own spiritual gangly years: between the current version of yourself and the renewed person God is establishing in you? Do you live with mismatched parts that make a less-than-ideal presentation to the world around you? How does your life match up with Ephesians 4:1-16?

Perhaps you feel overwhelmed in the process of becoming who you were created to be, wondering if you’re doing this right because some days there is a greater quantity of sharp words than kind ones which roll off your tongue. (Proverbs 10:9; 15:4) Maybe you wrestle with fear and renewing your mind. (2 Timothy 1:7; Romans 12:2)

GOD’S PATIENCE

Take heart, for God will patiently, gently, and lovingly complete the work He began in you. (Philippians 1:6) His hands have been fashioning you from the very beginning. Every day ordained for you is written in His book. (Psalm 139:13-16) He sees you mature and complete and has the patience for your spiritually gangly years.

Click to listen to the testimony of Jessica Carpenter

Author Susan Cazillo is a wife, mom, and nonni. Her family are the most important people in her life. She’s grateful to serve as a career navigator for out of school youth, ages 16-24, partnering with them so they can achieve their goals just as others did for her. 

CREATED FOR HIS PLEASURE

Read: Psalm 148

My husband has said that my siblings and I have our own language. One of us is able to say a word, make a face, tilt a head, and the group knows the meaning. It comes from a place of intimately knowing one another. Over the 30+ years I have walked with the Lord, I’ve come to know the personal way He speaks to me, using language and pictures that I understand. God and I had one of those conversations a few weeks ago.

STRUGGLING TO FOCUS ON GOD

It was early morning, when the sky was still dark and the day still covered with a blanket of hushed promise. I was sitting with my coffee and prayer journal, as is my habit. I was struggling to focus on the Lord. My body looked calm but my brain was already performing its daily gymnastic routine of prioritizing the tasks of the day.

HE WANTED TO SIT WITH ME

I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt someone staring at me. Looking down, I saw my cat, Lewis, looking back at me. I knew his eyes were asking for a space on my lap. He wanted to sit with me and snuggle in. His cute face made me chuckle, and his overt desire to be close to me melted my heart. After a few circles and kneading of biscuits, Lewis settled into a cozy place and rested.

CREATED FOR HIS PLEASURE

Suddenly, God spoke to my heart through this little creature who brought me so much enjoyment. I was created for His pleasure. (Revelation 4:11) He too, loves when I seek Him out and want to be close. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have some magnificent offering. He knows I am completely dependent on Him to survive. My love, affection, and devotion to Him is a delight to His heart. (Psalm 22:8) I can settle in close to Him and find the rest my soul needs. (Psalm 62:5-8)

LONGING FOR REST

Apply: Have you ever thought about how God speaks to you, how He is able to pierce through all the clutter of life and land the message on the bullseye of your heart? Maybe your soul is longing for rest. You don’t need a glittering contribution to be worthy of resting with Jesus. You were created for His pleasure. Your love, affection, and devotion to Him is a lavish offering that brings Him pleasure and melts His heart.

Click here for the story of James Omondi

HOW TO THRIVE

As time has passed, I came to know that there’s no way to dig in, grit teeth, and white-knuckle my way through this sorrow and grief, waiting for the time to be up.

Many years ago, before my husband Frank and I were married, we sought God’s wisdom and direction. There was an important decision that could change our lives. Frank commented that he thought he knew how long the Lord was going to take before He answered. He also said he was not going to share that info with me. Frank knew that I would just be waiting for the time to be up instead of seeking the Lord’s will and spiritually growing while in this difficult place of seeking.

I DIG IN AND GRIT MY TEETH

It was like a gut-punch of truth. Frank understands that I like to know the plan, work the plan, and achieve the goal. I have a tremendous ability to dig in, grit teeth, and white-knuckle my way through challenges.

NEARLY THREE YEARS

It’s been nearly three years since my adult son, Anthony, suddenly went to Heaven. Since that day, I have been exiled to the deepest, darkest portion of the Valley of Death’s Shadow. Initially, I had to talk myself through each breath, then each moment. Just do the next thing. Eventually, I’d mark that I had made it through another day, week, month, and year. One year closer to leaving the pain of this life behind and seeing Anthony again.

NOT JUST SURVIVE, BUT THRIVE?

As time has passed, I came to know that there’s no way to dig in, grit teeth, and white-knuckle my way through this sorrow and grief, waiting for the time to be up. I will carry this loss for the rest of my life. I pray for wisdom on how to keep moving forward but I’m not strong enough. So how do I do this when I know that God wants me to not just survive but thrive?

YOU WILL PROSPER

God, in His gentleness, reminded me of the exiles. The Jewish people were exiled to Babylon under King Nebuchadnezzar and had been removed from their families and lives they had known. Living in this foreign land, everything was different from their previous lives in Israel. They mourned the loss of life as they had known it, longing for return to their true home. Yet in this place of captivity, the Lord told them through the prophet Jeremiah, “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” (Jeremiah 29:5-7)

HOW TO LIVE

This same passage declares God’s good plans for the people’s hope and future. He promises to bring the exiles back to their home one day. Until then, God commands the people to call on Him and pray. God guarantees to listen and be found. He will be with them, even in this place (Jeremiah 29:10-14). He tells them how to live: not to just survive, but to thrive.

I WANT TO THRIVE

Like the Israelites, I no longer have the family and life I had before. I long for my true home: Heaven. Fully, I feel the grief and loss. Although I am not yet able to dance on the grave of my sorrows, I daily do my best to fully surrender to the Lord, call on Him, and pray for increase and prosperity in my new land. I don’t want to just survive. I want to thrive.

Where do you find yourself today? Why not follow Jeremiah’s instructions and continue to call on God and pray as you wait? Seek peace and prosperity in whatever place you find yourself, trusting with hope in God’s plan for your future. Endeavor to not just survive but thrive until the Lord’s promise to take us home is fulfilled.