Ever since Bill’s illness made landfall in November 2026, I’ve battled a lot of anxiety. Right now, he has stayed out of the hospital since the end of May; however, nothing is guaranteed. Every day, my dear husband has a ritual. He records his weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, and blood oxygen. All are indicators of whether his meds are still assisting his kidneys and heart to work together. It’s an extremely delicate balance. There is a lot to get anxious about.
TRIGGERS FOR ANXIETY
Every morning I get up and look at the numbers Bill has already recorded. Bad numbers usually trigger my anxiety. A wall of fear rises when his numbers go up. Instantly, I go through a checklist of everything he has eaten in the past day. Too much salt? Too little exercise? Forgot to take his meds? Am I panicking, or should I take him back to the ER?
BEST THINGS TO DO
Not a healthy initial response. I say I believe God, but I mentally go everywhere else first. Not good! Very slowly I am learning that when the tides of fear and anxiety flood my mind, the best thing I can do is:
- Slow down
- Examine the influx of emotions
- Figure out what exactly I’m afraid of
- Seriously think through what my response says about Who God is in my life.
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
Do I trust that I can be broken and honest before Him?
Is He really my Father, the one who has patience with my waywardness?
Does He totally care regarding all our messy details?
BRINGING MY WILL TO HIS
What do my prayers say about my honest beliefs about God and His character? I love the Puritan prayer: “Let me know that the work of prayer is to bring my will to Yours, and that without this it is folly to pray” (Valley of Vision). I’ve prayed many prayers full of folly. This is not what God wants.
CANNOT ACCOMPLISH IT ON MY OWN
My new approach may seem counterintuitive, but I am slowly learning it is healthier. I cannot accomplish a trusting relationship by trying to be better, do better, or live better. Christ’s work on the cross solely saved me, and only Christ can keep me. My job is to keep bringing everything to Him and letting Him work on my stubborn, anxious heart.
ABBA FATHER!
For all who are allowing themselves to be led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading again to fear [of God’s judgment], but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons [the Spirit producing sonship] by which we [joyfully] cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit Himself testifies and confirms together with our spirit [assuring us] that we [believers] are children of God. And if [we are His] children, [then we are His] heirs also: heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ [sharing His spiritual blessing and inheritance], if indeed we share in His suffering so that we may also share in His glory” (Romans 8:14-17)
WHAT TO DO FIRST
He has it covered, even when I don’t know how to pray. My job is to bring it to Him FIRST! Let God carry it all, even my anxiety.
Great reading: “Relaxed: Walking with the One Who Is Not Worried about a Thing” by Megan Fate Marshman