Tag: HOW TO FIGHT FEAR

Navigating Life’s Maelstrom: Finding Peace in Turmoil

Afraid of more bloodwork, bad tests, bad news. Afraid we won’t have the strength to endure. I run with a continual sense of exhaustion.

Slowly ponder Romans 8:38-39

Edgar Allan Poe described a gigantic circular vortex that reaches the bottom of the ocean in his short story “A Descent into the Maelström“. This tale this story relates to the Lofoten Maelstrom, as two fishermen are swallowed by the vortex.

A GRINDING STREAM OF LIFE’S TROUBLES

What words would I choose to describe the journey we have been traveling since November 25, 2025? The word “maelstrom” isn’t in the Bible, but it’s used in Christian contexts to describe intense spiritual or emotional turmoil, like a powerful whirlpool, symbolizing confusion, crisis, or being overwhelmed. It represents the “grinding stream” of life’s troubles; a vortex of massive force which threatens to obliterate.

SWIRLING IN THE STREAM

Our entrance into the maelstrom began with Bill’s first admission to the hospital the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2025. I distinctly recall the first time the doctor said the words “fluid surrounding the heart and lungs; congestive heart failure”. Then our reactions when another specialist said, “kidney failure”, “will probably have to go on emergency dialysis”. As we swirled in the grinding stream, there was Thanksgiving spent in the hospital and Christmas which was not celebrated due a further hospitalization. Then there were the long nights between and after hospital stays when I put my hand on Bill’s chest just to make sure he was still breathing.

Lots of possibilities for fear, especially when one specialist gives a diagnosis and another one contradicts it. So many unknowns in this grinding stream. Since the beginning of this, Bill has lost 1/6th of his body weight and his blood pressure still zooms over the map. Getting food into him is a struggle since his ongoing trouble with swallowing and gagging beginning with the 2nd hospitalization. Every day we battle exhaustion.

BATTLING FEAR

Yes, I daily encounter fear. This past Friday we had an appointment with the cardiologist certain she was going to admit him yet again to the hospital. Afraid of more bloodwork, bad tests, bad news. Afraid we won’t have the strength to endure. I run with a continual sense of exhaustion.

LAYING MY FEARS

Amid the maelstrom, our boat circles the vortex, and that’s when I continue to choose to lay my fears before God. My Father knows us and loves us, even though by far I flunk the superwoman test. Fear continually tugs at the ragged edges of my soul.

CHOOSING TO SUBMIT

In the path of obedience, I choose to submit. I cannot handle any of this without the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Only He can cast out my fears. And so I go to sleep each night knowing that tomorrow is another day and even in the grinding stream, He promises to be sufficient to keep me on course. We are those two fishermen caught in the current. He has not forgotten us. He is my Love, my Light, my Joy.

THE NIGHT THAT WAS NOT SO SILENT

We knew this was serious. It wasn’t long before the question was not if he would be deployed, but rather when.

“Silent Night, Holy Night, All is calm, All is bright,” and so, the beloved carol begins. But all was not calm in December of 1990. Four months earlier, Iraq had invaded Kuwait, setting off a chain of events that we feared could lead to war. As the world watched the situation unfold with unease, for me and my husband, the impending threat of war hit closer to home. Mike was a soldier in the Army National Guard. We knew this was serious. It wasn’t long before the question was not if he would be deployed, but rather when.

CHOOSING BETWEEN TRUST AND FEAR

In the midst of the uncertainty, our first child was born in mid-October. We were thrilled at our son’s birth and worked hard to stay focused on enjoying each moment. Even though I had an extended maternity leave to settle into the joys, and sleepless nights, of motherhood, it was a daily struggle. I had to choose between my trust in God’s providence and a real fear of what was to come.

THE REALITY OF SEPARATION

In November, Mike received his orders. He would train for a few weeks at Ft. Indiantown Gap and then set off for the Middle East. We were blessed to find out that he would be home for Christmas, but our joy at the coming celebration of Christ’s birth was greatly overshadowed by the reality of separation that lay ahead.

At the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service, words of kindness and love poured over us as we chatted with those in our congregation. I treasured the sincere promises of prayers for our family. But I could not shake the heavy weight of sadness in my heart. Would this be our last Christmas together? How was I going to make it through the separation?

MARY FACED AN UNPREDICTABLE FUTURE

Is this what Mary felt as she held her babe in her arms that night? She also faced an unpredictable future. The uncertainty was overwhelming. As we began to sing Silent Night and light the candles, my outward calm veneer cracked and the tears that I had been fighting began pouring out. Holding our son in my arms, Mike and I wept silently together.

WE WERE NOT ALONE

In that moment I felt God’s almighty presence. I knew that we were not alone. God would see us through whatever was to come. Psalm 46:1 promises us, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

It has been almost 34 years since that Christmas Eve, and yet every time I sing Silent Night and light a candle to celebrate Jesus’ birth, the memory of that night brings tears to my eyes. I remember God’s faithfulness in that situation and in all the years afterward. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be silent, and know that I am God.” In the silence of the little town of Bethlehem, Jesus was born. And as we rest silently in the Lord, we are assured of His presence and care over us.

Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright.  Round yon virgin mother and child;  Holy Infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night, shepherds quake at the sight. Glories stream from heaven afar; heavenly hosts sing halleluiah! Christ the Savior is born. Christ the Savior is born!

Silent night, holy night, Son of God, love’s pure light. Radiant beams from Thy holy face; with the dawn of redeeming grace. Jesus Lord at Thy birth. Jesus Lord at Thy birth!