Bill had his first major health crisis several years ago. Within two days, our world was upended. My husband, always great at speaking and quick-witted, changed overnight into someone I didn’t recognize. We didn’t know that Bill’s high blood pressure caused a stroke.
CHANGE, CHANGE AND CHANGE
The stroke significantly affected many areas of our lives. His reading and comprehension skills took a nosedive. Formerly, what took a day in sermon preparation now occupied most of Bill’s week. Bill’s personality changed overnight. For an entire year, my husband lost his sense of humor. When I returned home at the end of the day, I didn’t recognize the man living in my house.
GROWTH OF THE AWKWARD
It was hard. Many didn’t know how to deal with him. It was awkward. Church was worse. Bill returned to preaching a few weeks after the stroke. I don’t think the Board had a clue how difficult it was for him. Instead of caring for Bill, they distanced themselves. There were only a few people in that entire small congregation who kept caring for us. I consider those individuals golden.
RETURN OF THE AWKWARD
Recently, all those memories resurfaced. Several friends have not seen Bill for months since the onset of this new illness. Bill now walks slowly with a cane and has lost 85 pounds due to his health. It can be a little unsettling when you first encounter the new Bill. Recently, we attended a gathering where several people knew Bill. The experience grew very awkward. A few came over to say hello, and then the conversations ground to a halt.
I was stunned at the response. Maybe they were silently thinking of what to say? Perhaps they were afraid they would say the wrong thing? One person asked him if they could ask him how he was feeling. I wanted to say, “We are not in the doctor’s office, and the HIPAA Law doesn’t apply”. The silence was deafening.
SUGGESTIONS FOR OVERCOMING THE AWKWARD
Maybe these suggestions can help when you encounter a similar challenge. You can conquer the awkward.
DON’T:
- Run through the list of Christian truisms in your head and blurt out the first one that comes to mind.
- Think you have magic words that will make the pain go away
- Be so afraid of doing the wrong thing that you do nothing.
- Tell them about your Aunt Betty, who is sick, and you are sure that the person’s illness is the same as Aunt Betty’s
DO:
- Silently pray before you open your mouth.
- Greet the person with a regular, normal smile.
- If you normally hug, then do so. If you are a handshaker, then do so. Even a hand on the shoulder is better than three feet of awkward distance.
- Do tell them how much you have been praying for them. If you are comfortable, pray for them on the spot.
- Ask what God is showing them during their illness.
- Ask them what they are looking forward to.
- Share with them your personal latest encouragement from God.
TAKE THESE WORDS TO HEART:
“Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (I Corinthians 1:3-4).
“Let us consider [thoughtfully] how we may encourage one another to love and to do good deeds, not forsaking our meeting together [as believers for worship and instruction], as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more [faithfully] as you see the day [of Christ’s return] approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25).
“Encourage and comfort one another and build up one another” (I Thessalonians 5:11).