Tag: Jacqui Stoner

MY LIFE AS A PRISONER

God sent us into the wilderness to get to know Him better.

Are you a multi-tasker? I ended up multi-tasking to the extreme. At one point, work included: being a music teacher grades K-12; privately coaching vocal students; directing a 30 voice children’s choir at church; directing a 70-voice regional choir; leading the musical programs at Christian camps; teaching a weekly women’s Sunday School Class. I even ran a class so that women could better manage their health (what a joke!). On the side, I was making and selling jewelry at craft shows and teaching others how to make jewelry. If it could be done, I did it. What a prison I was living in.

OVERWORKED AND UNHAPPY

Did I mention I also loved burning leaves? Maybe burning leaves was significant because I felt my life was going up in smoke. I was overworked and unhappy. When oh when would the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow come into sight?

In the background was my family: husband and two sons. My husband was a pastor; dedicated to his calling. My sons were excellent kids, but did I really know any of them? Had I taken a second to breathe?

THE YEARS OF DISSEMBLING

Then came the years of dissembling. Signs of an approaching storm already appeared on the horizon, but I ignored it. Surely, nothing that bad could ever come about for someone who loved Jesus. Right? Wrong! God ripped all of those commitments and ministries right out of our hands. In a twinkling of an eye, we were without a church home, a regular schedule, and a stable home base. Savings quickly evaporated. I obsessed about finding my husband a new job. He had sunk into deep depression, so I spent hours searching job boards and writing resumes and sending letters to countless churches on his behalf. Nothing worked.

WALLS BEGINNING TO FALL

Workaholic Jacqui was at the end of her rope. The bottom had arrived. Suddenly, there were hours, days and weeks to think….Were the prison walls beginning to fall?

Not until the end has been reached does one realize that maybe they are on the wrong path. Not until I gave up my puny efforts could God rebuild new lives. Only He could make the huge internal change in not only how we see Him, but how we see ourselves and our relationship to ministry.

THE BEST PRISON CHAPLAIN

Instead of viewing God as a job, a commitment, and a career, God became Father and Provider. He pried our hands off of possessions, aspirations for ministry, and plans for the future. God no longer was Someone researched in order to prepare a lesson. He is that Friend Who takes His time for visits that can be quite lengthy. He is the best prison chaplain!

MINISTRY TODAY

What is our relationship to church and ministry today? Church is a community of believers that deeply care about each other. Technically we belong to a large local church, but in our hearts, real church plays out in small pockets: the women’s “Tribe” I am part of, the men Bill mentors, the writing friends God has blessed me with, and the assortment of Christian friends we call family.

TOOLS, NOT “PROJECT MANAGERS”

We no longer consider “ministry” something we possess. Ministry is something God can steer us into for a season and then steer us out of another season. We don’t have a strangle hold on to what is God’s and not ours. He does with ministry and programs what He wants and He prospers what He wants to prosper. We are His tools, not His project managers.

Today, both Bill and I are investors. We invest in the lives of other believers or individuals on the cusp of believing.  We take seriously the prayer, time and effort needed to pour into the lives of God’s children. Sometimes this is well received. Other times, it can be painful. However, this is the passion God has led us to. It just took that long painful journey into the wilderness to get us here.

PRISONERS CAN BE SET FREE

Are you going through a similar long painful journey? From firsthand experience, I can tell you that the pain is worth it if you let God do the rebuilding. God never wants His children to be their own “project managers”. God sent us into the wilderness to get to know Him better. Into the barrens the we went. The prisoners can be set free!

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. (Isaiah 61:1-3)

Click here to hear Jeff Parker’s testimony of being set free

LOVE THAT NEVER RUNS

I would rather have a root canal than knowingly sit next to the brother/sister who has hurt me.

And there we sat side by side at the picnic. It was difficult. My sister in Christ hated my guts at that moment. I just wanted to exit stage left as fast as possible.

BEING A “RUNNER”

I am a “runner”. There, I said it. I am that person who will separate as quickly as possible when there is conflict with another brother or sister in Christ. Give me the person who has deeply wounded me and 100% of the time I emotionally jump out the window when I pass by them again. Frankly, I would rather have a root canal than knowingly sit next to the brother/sister who has hurt me.

WE HAVE ALL BEEN DEEPLY HURT

The sad fact is that no one in this world hasn’t been deeply injured in his/her relationships to others. This is especially true in the church. That’s why I John 4:7-21 is so challenging:  “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates (works against) his [Christian] brother he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.  And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should also [unselfishly] love his brother and seek the best for him.“

THE MERE ABSENCE OF LOVE IS DEADLY

How does a habit of withdrawal effect one’s spiritual life? Dallas Willard comments in “Renovation of the Heart”: Failure to love others as Jesus loves us chokes off the flow of the eternal kind of life that our whole human system cries out for. The old apostle minced no words: “He who does not love abides in death” (verse 14). Notice that he did not say, “He who hates,” but simply, “He who does not love.” The mere absence of love is deadly. It is withdrawal.”

COURAGEOUS LOVE

Is it possible to have this type of courageous love – the type is determined by the grace of God to stick around, rather than flee? Non-courageous love means that I do not extend love toward that difficult brother/sister because of my past issues. I am not letting issues control my feelings. On the contrary, I make a choice to extend love because I allow Jesus to revolutionize my character, my inner being.

JESUS NEVER RAN

This is a change by submission: allowing God to change me from the inside out through my relationship with God. Instead of putting on my running shoes when conflict arises, I allow the character of Christ enter my life. Jesus never ran.

Are you also a “runner”? I remember a congregation where one family was in conflict with another. They always attended the same service, but made sure they sat on opposite sides of the sanctuary. Their spiritual running shoes were always in service. “The mere absence of love is deadly. It is withdrawal.” Jesus love never runs.

Click for more information on how to love well.

LOVE ALWAYS SHOWS UP

Maybe Thomas thought he was righting the world, but I can’t see Jesus bellowing across the Temple because he was not on the “A-List” of singers.

It’s a small church known for in-fighting. On the Elder Board is Thomas, a man knowledgeable in the Scriptures and a self-proclaimed evangelist. Everyone knows him for his beautiful singing voice. Did I mention Thomas makes sure everyone knows what the church policy handbook states? If the church has a rule breaker, Thomas is quickly on the hunt. Also, if you don’t know Thomas, then he makes sure you quickly know all about his latest accomplishments.  

And then there is Delores, an elderly woman who knows her basic Bible, but you could never catch her in a debate among scholars. Delores has a challenging life – multiple health problems, widowed early, and finances are scarce. Despites circumstances, Delores always shows up for church. She made a decision to love her fellow believers well, regardless of how inconvenient the situation is for her. Delores is love personified.

Unfortunately, everyone remembers the last congregational meeting: Thomas’ infamous melt down. He publicly let the congregation know how he was slighted by not being scheduled more frequently as a soloist. As his angry voice bellowed across the sanctuary, the humiliated music director sank lower and lower into the pew. Maybe Thomas thought he was righting the world, but I can’t see Jesus bellowing across the Temple because he was not on the “A-List” of singers.

In contrast to Thomas, Delores loves well. She works hard building relationships with her brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of the cost to her personally. She takes to heart the teachings of the Apostle John in I John 4:7-21: “Beloved, let us [unselfishly] love and seek the best for one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves [others] is born of God and knows God [through personal experience]. (God loved unselfishly, that is the same type of love we are to display one to another).” Thomas seems to fall into John’s description of “non-lovers”: “The one who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love.”

God’s love always shows up. It shows up when believers attend a worship service and stay to have significant conversations with other believers. Church is not a chore to check off on their to-do list. This same love shows up when Christians volunteer in ministries and grow in relationships with other fellow servants. They encourage each other. The identical love shows up when believers get involved in a small group of believers for the purpose of community, even if a small group doesn’t easily fit in their schedule. “Show-up love” comes with a price. It can be very inconvenient.

If you do not have a “show-up” kind of love for your fellow believers, then maybe it is time for a heart check. Thomas thought a heart check consisted of public performance and rules. Jesus’ heart check goes far deeper.  Delores might not have all the answers, but Delores considers it a great privilege to love her brothers and sisters in Christ. Delores’ love always shows up. Are you a Thomas or a Delores? Is it heart check time?

Click to listen to a story of this kind of love

Click for further information on loving one another

PEACE BE STILL

Life can be uncertain, scary and confusing. Drowning in the heaviness of circumstances, we have the choice to reach out and cry, “Lord, save me!”

A great distance from land, the boat appears as a mere speck in the horizon. The wind whips the waves higher and higher. Accounts in Matthew 24 and Mark 4 describe the terror of the disciples in the midst of two different storms.  In the Gospel of Matthew, they see in the distance a figure. Is that actually a person walking across the water? The men cry out in fear. Then they hear the voice. It belongs to the One they love: Jesus. “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

Amidst the surf, Jesus calls across to Peter, “Come!” Slowly Peter raises one foot over the side of the boat. Suddenly he finds himself actually standing on water. Despite being soaking wet, Peter makes his way toward the Savior.

Then comes that monster wave. It almost knocks Peter over. Startled, Peter wonders what in the world he is doing, attempting to walk across the Sea of Galilee. Fear fills his soul. Peter stops looking at Jesus and takes in the reality of his circumstances. Doubts flood his heart. The seas grab his attention. Peter begins to sink. Before he totally goes under, in terror he screams, “Lord save me!” Jesus reaches out and pulls Peter up from the waters.

Sadly, shaking His head, Jesus cries, “Oh, you of little faith, why did you doubt?” From Peter’s very first step, Jesus knew what a difficult test this would be. It pushed self-confident Peter beyond all his human abilities.

God does His best work when we come to the same realization as Peter: we cannot save ourselves. Notice the progression. Peter had to make that first step of faith out of the boat before his faith, or lack thereof, could be revealed.

Life can be uncertain, scary and confusing. Drowning in the heaviness of circumstances, we have the choice to reach out and cry, “Lord, save me!” Not until we invite the Savior does Jesus enter and make our twisted ways straight. Jesus does not tell us to hide away from the storms in the bottom of a boat. He tells us to get out of the boat and walk toward Him, regardless of our crisis. Only after that initial step does our Savior then whisper, “Peace be still.”

Click for further info on what Jesus means by “Peace be still”

REMEDY FOR A BROKEN HEART

I assumed that my mess was my own and not till everything was straightened out could I feel close to God again.

I was underwater and drowning fast due to circumstances mostly out of my control.  Torn and shredded, my heart didn’t know if there was a way back. 

A specific passage helped me to begin to breathe again.  Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19 The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. These few verses literally saved my life

In my brokenness, I pushed God further and further away.  Afterall, God doesn’t want to be around rubbish, does He?  That’s what I felt like: trash; something good for nothing. I assumed that my mess was my own and not till everything was straightened out could I feel close to God again.

But that’s not what this passage says.  When we are broken, that’s the time which magnetizes God to us.  I thought He was the One stepping away, but in fact, it was me who was running away from Him.

I didn’t think there could be healing and wholeness. Little did I know that even though healing would take time, I could be made stronger than ever before.  The good thing was that the new stronger was way better than my previous vision of strength. 

Maybe it’s time to start letting these couple of verses soak and marinate into your soul, your heart, your mind and your life.  Please don’t put God on pause.  When I tried that, it just made restoration take so much longer. I lost so much time forgetting: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Click for what the Bible says about mental health

HOW TO HAVE A GRATEFUL HEART

Don’t allow Satan to enter in and fill you with ungratefulness. What can we do to have a grateful heart?

The last day of school; a bittersweet time as some anxiously await summer vacation and others yearn for more time with friends and the stability of a school routine.  I sit in my rocking chair surrounded by sweet eight-year-old faces, opening the cards and gifts they bring me. The best gifts I receive are not the gift cards, flowers, or candy, but the words written in homemade cards or letters from parents. They state how grateful they are for loving and teaching their child. Hearts filled with gratefulness.

But not everyone. This year proved to be a challenging one.  The energy required for a few left me feeling exhausted at the end of each day.  These are the students and parents that I yearn to receive a thank-you from. A small note or email with a sincere thank-you or recognition of appreciation.

Is this how God feels when we are ungrateful or don’t take the time to express our gratitude for the blessings He has showered on us?  Luke 17:12-19 tells the story of ten lepers that asked Jesus to cleanse and heal them. Out of the ten, only one turned back and glorified and thanked God for his healing.  Only one. How many times have we been like the nine lepers? 

Ungratefulness is a sin, and it comes from Satan. 2 Timothy 3:1-4 states, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”  Don’t allow Satan to enter in and fill you with ungratefulness.

What can we do to have a grateful heart? Remember to thank God daily.  Psalm 92:1 reminds us that, “It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord and sing praises.” Remember to say please and thank-you often to others. The mental health benefits of showing gratitude are encouraging.  Symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression can be decreased when we show gratitude. Finally, don’t lose sight of God’s goodness. The Israelites were brought into the Promised Land after 40 years of bondage and they still questioned God’s provision. They even expressed a desire to go back to Egypt into slavery. In times of tribulation, look to see how God got you to where you are in life and give Him praise.  

The love I have given every student over the last 25 years is deep, but it doesn’t begin to compare to the love that God has for His children. He longs for us to recognize our ingratitude and repent. Henry Adams stated, “A teacher affects eternity; they can never tell where their influence stops.” My influence on the lives of the most challenging students may not be noticed yet, but God is in control.  He has the power to change anyone’s ungrateful heart, even mine.

Click for podcast: “What does the Bible say about thankfulness and gratitude?”

PEACE BE STILL

God does His best work when we come to the same realization as Peter: we cannot save ourselves.

A great distance from land, the boat is merely be a speck in the horizon. The wind whips the waves higher and higher. The disciples are terrified when they see in the distance a figure. Is that actually a person walking across the water? The men cry out in fear. Then they hear the voice. It belongs to the One they love: Jesus. “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

Amidst the surf, Jesus calls across to Peter, “Come!” Slowly Peter raises one foot over the side of the boat. Suddenly he finds himself actually standing on water. Despite being soaking wet, Peter makes his way toward the Savior.

Then comes that monster wave. It almost knocks Peter over. Startled Peter wonders what in the world he is doing, attempting to walk across the Sea of Galilee. Fear fills his soul. Peter stops looking at Jesus and takes in the reality of his circumstances. Doubts flood his heart. The seas grab his attention. Peter begins to sink. Before he totally goes under, in terror he cries, “Lord save me!” Jesus reaches out and pulls Peter up from the waters.

Sadly, shaking His head, Jesus cries, “Oh, you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

From Peter’s very first step, Jesus knew what a difficult test this would be. It pushed self-confident Peter beyond all human skills. Peter had to realize he could not save himself. God does His best work when we come to the same realization as Peter: we cannot save ourselves.

When we are pushed beyond our abilities and understand we have no power of our own to save ourselves. Drowning in the heaviness of life, we reach out and cry, “Lord, save me!” It’s not until we invite the Savior, does Jesus enter and make our twisted ways straight. The Savior then whispers, “Peace be still.”

Click for further info on what Jesus means by “Peace be still”

PRAYERS THAT MALFUNCTION

Where was God? His Word was dust; her prayer life shriveled up.

Adults in Peanuts animated cartoons are only heard by the unintelligible sounds of a muted trombone (“mwah-mwah-mwah”) That’s how Sandy’s family hears her. A believer. Sandy ardently wants to share Jesus with family, but whenever she does, they roll their eyes. Her prayers are not answered. Something is malfunctioning. “Mwah-mwah-mwah!”

GOD SEEMED FAR, FAR AWAY

Sandy shares her story: “This past year has been an ongoing crisis. My daughter had an accident and I ended up being the caregiver, 24/7, for both daughter and newborn grandson. Included was being a nanny-on-demand for other relatives. The pressure never let up. My car went caput. I lost all sense of independence and was at the mercy of others for transportation. In my exhaustion. In the mix was my ex-husband, a constant thorn in my flesh. God seemed far, far away.”

HER PRAYER LIFE SHRIVELED UP

Where was God? Sandy’s life consisted of a constant cycle of exhaustion and anger toward her family, her ex, and her non-helpful church family. The Word of God was dust; her prayer life shriveled up.

THE DESIGN OF PRAYER

Finally, after a year of anguish, God spoke in a way which she did not anticipate. In the midst of her rants regarding her ex, God reminded her of her own sins. Sandy had never forgiven her ex or asked for his forgiveness regarding her own livid behavior towards him. John Piper writes: “God answers prayers for people who believe in his Son and who love each other. Prayer has a specific design, and if you misuse it, it malfunctions. What is the design of prayer? Prayer is designed by God to be the effect of faith and the cause of love. If we try to pray when our aim is not to love, prayer malfunctions.”

PRAYER IS THE POWER TO LOVE

The Apostle John states in I John 3:18-24: We receive from Him whatever we ask, because we keep His commandments. John Piper explains: “Not because keeping his commandments earn answers to prayer, but because prayer is designed to give power in the path of obedience. Prayer is God’s way of making himself available for us when we are pouring ourselves out in love for others. Prayer is the power to love. Therefore, if we do not aim to love, we pray in vain.”

THE 10% RULE

Bitterness had to be knocked off Sandy’s throne. The dam of unconfessed sin broke as God let her glimpse what and who she is: a ragged daughter of God who refused to aim to love. It is said, “If you have confessed 90% of your sin to God but knowingly keep back that 10%, that 10% is the 100% of what is hindering your prayer life and relationship with God.” Sandy gave up the 10%. A miracle has occurred. Her loved ones no longer hear “mwah-mwah-mwah” when she both speaks and acts. Her prayer life has been revived.

THE WAY TO THE PRAYER ROOM OF GOD

Are you holding back any 10% in confession to both God and man? It is humbling to make things right, but untold beauty from God can be yours. “And whatever we ask, we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight.  This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. Love is costly, but love paves the way to the Prayer Room of God.

Click for further great info on unanswered prayers.

WHY GO TO CHURCH?

Church used to be so wonderful for her until the conflicts began.

Becky’s nights were sleepless. Joy was a distant memory. Church used to be so wonderful for her until the conflicts began. She was wounded by both staff and members, but at the same time she also let fly her own sharp verbal arrows. And so, she withdrew from her church family, from corporate worship. Now she only watches church online in the loneliness of her living room. She has drawn away and is a distant spectator.

JESUS KEPT SHOWING UP

As I listened to her story, I thought of all the times Jesus kept showing up on the Sabbath in the synagogue to worship. Rarely was He well received. In his home town they chased Him out and attempted to push Him off a cliff. Yet week after week, Jesus kept honoring God and His command for corporate worship. Corporate means: “formed into a unified body of individuals”. This is the unified body of individuals who worship the true and living God.

NO EXEMPTIONS GIVEN

God doesn’t give exemptions in the fine print of the Bible. It does not say, “Stay home because Mrs. Smith is such a hypocrite. Pastor Smith has been known to occasionally be too blunt. Elder Smith has treated you unfairly. For all these reasons, ditch church.” Jesus rubbed shoulders with some of the worst of the worst in the Temple: the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the scribes. The vast majority treated Him unfairly. They didn’t know God; they were just religious. Yet Jesus kept worshipping corporately and obeying God because He loved God. It is a privilege to be able to worship together.

IDENTIFY YOUR FEELINGS

For Becky, some excellent advice would be “turn your focus away from the people involved and the church itself and identify the root cause of your pain, turmoil, and disillusionment. Honestly identify what you are feeling. If you are like most people, here are some possibilities: anger, sorrow, disappointment, rejection, hurt, jealousy, vulnerability, fear, rebellion, pride, shame, embarrassment, or loss.

WHAT IS CAUSING YOUR PAIN?

Find out what is at the core of your hurt—not what someone said or did to you, but what is really causing your pain? Then search the Scriptures to discover what God says about it. Take a Bible concordance and look up each word and read, think, pray, and apply the verse. For example, you may think that you are angry when in reality you feel rejected. What does God say about rejection? He says, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5); “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3); and, “Surely I am with you always” Matthew 28:20).” (GotQuestions.org)

THE COMMAND

Note the privilege of worship and the command in Hebrews 10:19-25. We need to: “hold on to the hope that we profess without the slightest hesitation—for he is utterly dependable—and let us think of one another and how we can encourage each other to love and do good deeds. And let us not hold aloof from our church meetings, as some do. Let us do all we can to help one another’s faith, and this the more earnestly as we see the final day drawing ever nearer.

Becky, draw near!!!

For further thought, click to listen to the story of Melody Green

LOVE LIKE AN EXPERT

Clueless unsaved John didn’t understand what real love meant. He was powerless.

I love watching “The Great British Bakeoff”. Twelve amateur bakers compete against each other to win the title of Greatest British Baker. Each round displays the bakers’ skills as they create roulades, fondant fancies, pavlovas, etc. I watch in wonder. Usually, I don’t understand the vocabulary or the method of what they are doing but I love their skill. Even if I obtained a great copy of their recipes, I could not master them. I am simply clueless (sadly, my family will agree) as a baker. Appreciating a skill set and being able to do it are two different things.

NO EXPERT AT LOVE

I John 3:11-18 was written by someone who previously was no expert at love. Clueless unsaved John didn’t understand what real love meant. He was powerless. Ray Stedman observes about John: “This is not his nature at all. He and his brother James earned from Jesus the title, “sons of thunder” (Mark 3:17), because they were constantly wanting to blast back at those who opposed them. It was John and James who came to the Lord when a village refused to have them come in and said, “Shall we not call fire down from heaven upon them?” Luke 9:54). It was John and James who were constantly quarreling with the other disciples. The temperament of this man, John, was not one of naturally showing love.” John’s life was upended by the resurrected Christ. Overnight, he was given the power to love.

TEMPERS AND FISTS WERE FLYING

It is important to note the recipients of this epistle were having a problem with love. John’s readers were going through a time of church schism. Tempers were flaring and fists may very well have been flying.  In the midst of this, John describes the distinguishing mark of the genuine believers versus the false teachers that were invading the flock: love. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” 

“ME LOVE”

Before Christ, John only knew what Stedman describes as “me love”, a love of himself. “The love we show as non-Christians is really a love of ourselves. We love our children because they are extensions of us. Our life is related to our father or mother so we love them. We love our relatives (presumably) because they are ours. Of course, we love our dog, our cat, our horse. We love the friends who please us, we love those who help us. Love is always directed to those who do something to, or for, or receive from us. Therefore, what we really love is the projection of ourselves in others. Thus, human love is self-centered.”

A PERSON WHO HAS NO LOVE IS DEAD

John challenges us to display the kind of love that is often uncomfortable, humbling, and puts obedience to Christ above any type of pride. It shows the stark contrast between believers and people who are spiritually dead. If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead. (1 John 3:14 NLT) No genuine Christ follower is allowed to be clueless and powerless in displaying sacrificial love.

DON’T BE CLUELESS

John poses the question: are you genuinely saved? He doesn’t ask if you are a nice, kind, or a moral person. He challenges us to lay it all on the line: “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”  Only through relationship with Christ can we win the championship of loving other brothers and sisters in Christ such that we “lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” Don’t be clueless. John learned to be an expert lover and we can do the same.

Click to read the astonishing love testimony of Jacob Deshazer