A few years ago, my ability to concentrate and to think logically plummeted down a black hole. That fateful month, I visited my family doctor because of a sudden onset of problems in breathing. She gave me a blood test just to rule out a possible, but out-of-the-box, diagnosis. The bloodwork unexpectedly led to the discovery of blood clots in both my lungs. I remember the call from the doctor’s office telling me to get to the ER immediately. My mind quickly filled up with fear.
DR. GOOGLE
The hospital stay prompted me to do serious research into how I developed this condition. In a frenzy, I thought that if I kept searching Dr. Google, I would discover magical answers. Rather than resting, I spent way too much time researching my diagnosis and the origin of my new “lung buddies”.
FEAR INHABITED MY MIND
I met with a hematologist (blood doctor). The visit was abrupt. Doc asked me a couple of questions: Had I received the COVID vaccines? Did I get COVID? Did I have Long COVID? The answers were all “Yes”. It dawned on me that maybe some of the stories I heard about a possible connection between blood clots and COVID might not be myths. Fear inhabited my mind.
NO CLEAR ANSWERS
Doc ordered an ultrasound of my legs to determine if the blood clots in my lungs originated in my legs. The ultrasound results were clean with no evidence of previous blood clots. He declared my current blood clots “unprovoked”. Bottom line is, no magical, concrete explanation arrived as to why the blood clots resided in my lungs. 30% of people with pulmonary embolisms don’t have a clear reason for their condition. I’m in the 30% club – no blue ribbons for making the cut.
THOSE WHO RUN IN CIRCLES NEVER GET FAR
Answers aren’t always available in this life. I am great at research, but in this case, I ran in circles looking for answers. Those who run in circles never get far except to become mired in a deep pit of fear. Not a good place for one’s mind and spirit.
MY SOLUTION
The only solution I clearly do have (besides which meds to stay on) is the choice of what to anchor my mind on. Colossians 3:2, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
MY DAILY DECISION
I can decide what to fill my mind with. Dr. Google is rarely helpful.The TLB puts it this way: Let heaven fill your thoughts; don’t spend your time worrying about things down here…. Your real life is in heaven with Christ and God.”
I can choose to spend my days imprisoned in a bunker of fear, not knowing what caused the clots, and terrified that the clots will develop new little friends along the way. Or, I can decide to set my mind “not worrying about things down here,” and realize my “real life is in heaven”.
Prayer: Lord, help me center my mind on eternity in heaven and help others set their minds on things above. Daily guide me to realize my real life is in heaven. I lay all my obsessions and rabbit trails at Your feet. Please set off alarm bells when I wander into mindless territory. I don’t have to dwell in the land of fear.