The job pays well, the bosses are fair, the hours are reliable. And there I am. Utterly miserable. Taking the job, I promised myself I would give it six months. It is now seven…stretching to eternity. God did not wire me for endless data entry and ferreting through files which should have been thrown out twenty-five years ago. However, I keep showing up; the faithful employee thinking surely something will improve.
ROUND PEG IN SQUARE HOLE
God laughs. The job does not change for the better. I am depressed and exhausted from being depressed. God repeatedly reminds me I am that round peg who tries to force itself into the square hole. Do I listen to Him? My fears of unemployment outweigh trusting God.
A TEMPEST OF FEAR
A piece I wrote about stepping out of the boat amid the storm keeps going through my mind. I’m scared. What if the next job is worse than this one? What if I can’t find a job? How will we buy groceries? What if…what if…. what if????? A tempest of fear surrounds me.
GO OUT AND GET BUSY
After nights of sleepless anguish, I decide enough is enough. Will I take God at His Word, depend on Him, and trust that He has a place for this square peg? Do I have the courage to step out of the boat? Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Thank you, Dale, for kicking my butt.
“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall praise Him for the help of His presence” (Psalm 42:5).
THE JUMP
I jump out of the proverbial boat. For years my husband has been nudging me to get my certification as a substitute teacher. I have held back because of my fears of all the unknown: out of control kids in schools where I don’t comprehend the norms or the culture. Finally, I throw fear in the backseat and fill out the piles of paperwork and clearances to be certified. The paperwork is finalized.
On Wednesday I discard caution; tell my employer I am resigning. The deed is done. The following Wednesday I begin subbing.
THE HAPPY DUCK
After all the anguish, I leap out of the boat only to discover I transform into that happy duck riding the waves. God pointed out my sweet spot for subbing, even when I kept ignoring Him. Bravery is stepping out of the boat when God nudges. Inaction is staying glued in the boat.
Courage is becoming a substitute teacher.