I was sure by now God, You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. And once again I say, “A-men” but it’s still raining’. As the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, “I’m with you”. As Your mercy falls I’ll raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I’ll praise You in this storm for You are who You are, no matter where I am. Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand. You never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm. (“Praise You In The Storm” by Casting Crowns)
AND THEN THE YEAR CAME…
The year 2011 birthed one of the darkest points in our ministry, family, and individual lives. Without warning, Bill was dismissed from the church he pastored due to a lack of gifts in the offering plate and infighting within the church. After forty-two years in ministry, my husband found himself without a church. Bill stumbled into crushing depression. I plummeted into the same hole; however, I was the one who hunted with all her strength a way to glue the pieces together.
INFECTED FESTERING WOUNDS
For years, church was closer to us than our biological family. Church supplied purpose, love and stability. I felt like a limb had been ripped off without anesthesia. The emotional and spiritual wounds became infected. They festered and clouded our vision. Now with only one income, we eventually lost our house and most of our retirement savings. Humiliation surfaced as we struggled through that first Christmas where I repurposed household items as Christmas presents. Ever present in my heart resonated my greatest fear, that we would become homeless.
THE CHOICE
As my emotional state deteriorated, I realized I had to make a choice, either to trust God or deny Him. This was not an emotional choice; it was a decision based on the facts of Who God is. I decided to draw the line in the sane and to trust God.
CHOOSING TO TRUST
How could I reinforce my choice to trust? During daily walks I began to memorize Scripture dwelling on Who God is. As I tread the sidewalks of Lancaster during lunch, I kept repeating one phrase, “I choose to trust in You.”
Did I feel warm and fuzzy? No. The time felt endless as we waited, waited, and waited for God to work both on our hearts and our circumstances. I kept repeating “I choose to trust in You.” With all my heart, I wanted God to return life to the happier, predictable, and comfortable past. God didn’t choose that direction.
I’M WITH YOU
“I was sure by now God, You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. And once again I say, “A-men” but it’s still raining’. As the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, “I’m with you”.”
IN THE END, IT IS BETTER
God all the time was at work, but I often could not see Him. He supplied our need for alternative housing. He introduced us to new friends and gave us both new careers and ministries. Nothing was like we envisioned, but in the end, it is better. And I’ll praise You in this storm for You are who You are, no matter where I am.
LIVING IN THE SHELTER OF THE MOST HIGH
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust Him. (Psalm 91:1-2)